Let’s see if we can’t settle this little problem in MY court shall we

If you just give me a warning, let’s say I’ll “put you on the list”

Speeding, I wasn’t speeding. Ummm, your Jesus, not a jedi, that’s not gonna work here

But officer, I have several passengers with me. There’s Greed, Envy, Sloth………

We told you before, “You cannot block traffic on the Highway to Hell.”

A on way ticket to where?

” Officer, The Devil made Me Do It.”

Officer, I was just trying to outrun the bus full of angry Romans!

Honestly, all I drank was the communion wine.

If you are who you say you are why do you need a brand new Hummer?

Officer, I can’t be omnipresent going 65.

When you see a red light at the end of your tunnel, that’s called irony.

“Officer I’m sorry you did not like Passion of The Christ but you can’t blame me- I don’t have anything againts Jews!”

Nobody, I mean nobody messes with Texas.

I am not inducing panic I am trying to warn everyone! There will be a great flood! We must act now!

We need to bring in the K-9 unit, this guy is flying so high he thinks he is Jesus Christo.

Nobody’s safe from getting a ticket.

Sorry I was speedng… I’m supposed to be at the temple in ten minutes, and if I’m late, they’ll CRUCIFY ME!

The traffic on the river bridge was totaly jammed… what was I supposed to do…walk on water?

Would you let me go with just a warning if I healed you of that stick you seem to have up your butt?

Umm…I don’t suppose I could interest you in eternal life, could I?

If my dad finds out I got a ticket, he’s gonna raise holy hell.

Sir, I assure you I am not drinking Alcohol….it’s just Holy water!

Well, since you don’t believe who I am, how do you explain the Godyear tires?

But officier, so many were praying that Nancy Pelosi would get run over by a truck!

I couldn’t have been speeding for I cannot SIN!!!

Do you know who my father is?

“Dad arranged an elephant for me, but the park won’t allow them either…”

I resisted the temptations of Power, Lust, Mammon, but this 426 Hemi SUV Was just TOO much to resist!

Besides, Mohammed gave it to me!

Driving without a license and no insurance…who do you think you are?

He was decorated with stars and his horse was small. But Jesus knew his kind. The kind with flails.

No.1 I swear, you hippies always thinking you’re above the law.

No.2 A ticket for how much??? Now really, just think, What Would I Do?

Carrie Underwood was driving… she just left!

You know, I was the one who created doughnuts…

sorry officer, i was just trying to get home, im past curfew and dad is going to raise hell if i dont get there soon…..

i swear to drunk im not dad….

meaning to say: i swear to dad im not drunk…..

Now son, don’t make me jump up out my ride and have to sandle slap your ass!

I can appreciate you needing to be discreet my son,however, I may be able to forgive you but I’m not your wife!

Don’t you know who i am ?

It’s my first time driving , can you cut me some slack ?

Some chick named Carrie started singing, “Jesus, take the wheel—”

What do you mean this road was paved with good intentions?

Why didn’t you stop the devil that cut me off?

“Man, I’ve got the worst luck. I always get nailed!”

Really??!!! I’m Jesus for crying out loud! If I say so this can be 55 in a 40.

You are so going to hell for this one!

Now i dont have an exact law for driving on the ocean, but i’m pretty darn sure it’s illegal.

It is but one tiny blemish on a otherwise perfect record. I’ve forgiven worse…whaddya say we just keep this between you and the Lord.

In whom shall ye believe, the Almighty God, or a simple radar gun made by man?

“Judge not lest ye be judged”

“Officer, I swear to G-d I wasn’t speeding!”

Officer: You were driving 60 in a 35 zone. It’s going to take a miracle to get you out of this one.

Jesus: Don’t worry, I’ve got it covered.

“In God we trust” but you sir, get a ticket.

“And to think I died for you”

Officer, its an emergency! Seinfeld is on!

“You know, I can can turn that ticket into a nice maple bar if you’d like…”

the power of christ compels you to not write me a ticket.

let me out of this ticket and i’ll turn your water into captain morgan.

“If you could over look this I’ll make sure Dad over looks that incident last summer with the rifle and the neighbor’s rooster.”

You know if you want me to raise any family member from the dead, I can totally do that, right? Or maybe you need some awful sin redeemed and forgotten? Your name in the “Expecting” book at the gates of Heaven? Come on, officer, I may not have boobs, but I have great things to offer!

I swear to my old man, there WAS a car full of Nazis chasing me!! I guess they just lost their way!

For heaven’s sake, Officer, I could create a world in the time it’s taking you to write that ticket!

I got a blind man to see, a lame man to walk, and changed gallons of water into wine, and you didn’t expect me to drink any?

I guess three “Hail Mary’s” and two “Our Father’s” is just not good enough!

Let those who have not sped write the first ticket…..?

“I guess I was driving faster than my Guardian Angel could fly”

Sir, flashing a little cleavage will not get you off with a warning

“Perhaps I should just stick with being the co-pilot.”

Yes Officer, I can get you a ticket to heaven..

Since when did they start issuing medieval flails?

I believe i always have the right of way my son.

something told me to take the lake. ugh!

As a matter of fact. officer, I *would* do 68 in a construction zone so you can put that away.

JESUS CHRIST! you have got to be kidding me. Do you know who my farher is?

If you don’t write that ticket I’ll turn all your water into wine too.

1. I swear to Dad, I never saw that speed limit sign!

2. You need to see my identification??? Really???

It’s not a halo, it’s a doughnut!

Sorry officer, no ticket to ride today.

would i lie to you my son

Officer – “I swear to god, I am going to ask you one more time for your name”

Officer – “Ya, and my name is Santa Claus”

Officer: “Sorry Jesus, but Your Not Even Above the Law”

O’Jesus..How could you find that I am not a Jesus…

Sorry, I cant take you to hell…

Jesus: “How about now, Officer? Is my registration still late?”

Jesus: “For the last time, I don’t know why your wife screams my name out loud at night.”

Splendid Marbles Cartoon Caption Contest

“Officer, the light was green! Cross my heart and hope to die … again”

Splendid Marbles Cartoon Caption Contest

“I don’t have I.D., but perhaps you know me? Have you read my book or seen Mel’s bloody movie?”

Now officer, you wouldn’t want to be known as the guy who delayed the second coming of Christ, would you?

Is this a Devine Intervention?

Please excuse my urgency sir…I’m on my way to the abortion clinic to support a loved one.

“I swear to G-d, the holy Bible and my mothers grave, officer, I thought this was the *Highway to Hell* and I was only trying to find the off ramp as quickly as possible!

1) I’ll trade you my ‘get into heaven free’ card for a warning.

2) My dad’s gonna kill me!

“I know I was going a lil’ fast Officer, but I’m running late for my Second Coming.”

You would’nt believe who i have in the back…

can you bail me out this time officer, may be i can lend you some food stamps in this God year

i am insured with AIG officer, can you bail me out now or i will tax your earnings in heaven

“I don’t care who you think you are, I’m going to have to write you up for driving over that water back there.”

Officer-”Do you know why i pulled you over?”
Jesus-”Theres an easier way to talk to me, you know?”

guilty until proven innocent!

“I don’t care if you’re God himself, a school zone is still a school zone.”

“God-damned hippies…”

Sorry officer, I didn’t realize I was speeding. I was jamming to stairway to heaven.

“Okay officer, I’m not gonna lie…”

“Is that a new mace hanging out of your back pocket?”

“I swear to God, I was only going 5 over.”

So, were you planning on going to heaven?

1). ” Uhhh, you’re kidding me, right?! ”
2). ” You know I’m not going to be around for the court date on this, right?!”
3). ” I’m really going to have to get on the guardian angel pool about this”
4). ” Red Bull man, it gives you wings ! “

I know officer but i was hurrying to my last supper…whatever thou shall not speed….

Officer: You do realize that you were sppeding?

Jesus: Sorry, the store is about to close and my Red Bull did’t give me wings. I just want a refund.

“Aww come on, what would Jesus do? Your giving me a ticket? Ya know what, you can go to HELL!”

Jesus… Not you again.

No sir, I didn’t know parting the rush hour traffic was against the law.

“Oh Jesus Christ I didn’t know it was you. I’m writing you up for the abusive father and alcoholic mother you stuck me with.”

Officer “yeah well this is for letting me get beat up all thoughs years in school.”

Jesus “it is gee-zus not hey-zues and no i don’t have a green card”

Officer, I left my license in my other pants.

I’ve only had a couple of beers I swear.

I can prove it. You want me to walk on water?

Seriously sir I’ll need your real name although King of Kings has a ring to it. Okay officer just use Yahweh or Prince of peace then.

I drive them first, then we send them to the Vatican to be turned into Pope-mobiles.

Sorry officer, but I answer to a higher law.

Jesus – I frickin died for your sins and you give ME a ticket for speeding. There goes my perfect driver discount, you happy now?

Officer – I owed the devil one, for that donut I gave my soul for.

BUY AMERICAN! Even Jesus Drives a Ford. (A little too fast obvsiously, but a Ford none-the-less)

How bout I turn that ticket pad into some fish and a few jugs of wine? Will you believe me then!?

Don’t get all christ like with me buddy. I would have just given you a warning, but your holier than thou attitude makes me mad as hell.

Sorry I was speeding. I was on my way to a miracle.

yaaaa well..
so much for the great kick off of the second coming…

Your the first jesus that I’ve ticketed that wasn’t mexican

Iknow times are tough but just because it’s 30 min or free doesn’t give you the right to drive across the lake unless there’s a bridge

I have immunity! After all, this is the “Chariot of the Gods”

Speeding??? Okay, you nailed me.

Honest Officer … I was at a wedding and only had water to drink

Officer, before you write that ticket I suggest you take it up with a Higher Authority.

PROOF of Insurance??? Have faith, my son…

“officer, if you just let me off this time, I’ll give you a ‘get out of hell free card’”.

“Yes officer… of course I know why you pulled me over…but I have no idea why you went against my willed power to do so”

Trespassing? On MY land? Youve Got to be kidding me… right… youre kidding?

The world needs me… Jesus 911

“Forgive him Father, he knows not what he does”

Don’t worry I’ve got a great Lawyer, the Jews TOTALLY owe me one.

Officer, I was just testing out the ‘Never Drive Faster Than Your Angels Can Fly’ saying.

Yes officer, I do know where the fire is.

I dont suppose you believe in turning the other cheek.

That suits lookin’ mighty good on ya…officer…

(1) This is because I’m Jewish, isn’t it?

(2) Look, I know what the Bible says about pigs being unclean and all, but you got to believe me, it wasn’t personal.

where do you want to go when you die have you decided?

You Old Testament cops kill me.

“Jesus Christ do you know how Fast you were going?

This ticket is ridiculous… I DIED FOR YOUR SINS!

Nice boots, Officer. I think I saw dem in Gomorrah.

Look, I know I should have been wearing my seatbelt, but ever since the “cross incident”, I just can’t stand to be restrained.

Jesus you say? Um, Yeah, I’m going to need to see your Green card!!

Thats a mighty BIG baton your packing there officer! You know there is more than one way to get to heaven.

Look officer, im not going to threaten you with hell, but lets just say you may want to get checked out for herpies.

1st pic-: caption:”Wanna know why I pulled you over?”

2nd pic- “And you say that he’s ours?”

“I’ve already told you officer I’m on a mission from God.”

or

First Crucifiction now this. I just can’t catch a break.

“It might not be a good idea telling him who I am.”

“Oh boy, no God in the judicial system….I wonder what he’s gonna do to me?!”

I have a poker game with the devil over some lost souls and I’m late.

2nd pic – “No more monkeys jumping on the bed!”

2nd pic – “This is bananas!”

You are just getting even with me because your wife chose me over you.

Officer: “Can you please turn down the Led Zepplin?”
Jesus: “I’m sorry, Officer. I just love that ‘Stairway to Heaven’.”

Are you sure this license is your’s? It says you are two thousand and nine years old.

Hell I changed the hot tub into 300 gallons of chardonnay, of course I’ve been drinkin’…..

No…I said my step dad from the carpenter’s union, owns the truck,
and my real dad is the co-pilot…

I’ll forgive you if you forgive me.

A thought bubble over each head (both cop and jesus) ” What’s with the holier than thou attitude”

Does knee begging work for you?

“Believe me, I understand officer. We all pay when we refuse to recognize the figure in authority”

DON’T DOUBT IT THOMAS, IT’S ME AGAIN.

“ME Dammit!!

Officer, I was not speeding. I was just on my way to the Last Supper and the Hummer skidded on the black ice.

1) So nice to see you again Judas.

2) Father! Why have you forsaken me… again!

3) For sasquatch – Don’t you think we’re taking this marriage counseling thing a bit far?

1. What do you mean I can’t drive in the carpool lane? The Holy Ghost is right here!

2.Ok officer, I’ve got a good one, How many spirits can you fit in a volkswagon?

“You are being cited for driving under the influence of messianic megolomania!”

“You are being cited for driving under the influence of messianic megalomania! The man you will be talking to is into robes as well!”

“To err is human, to forgive, divine”.

I think that Cambell should win with:
“So nice to see you again Judas.”

That is classic.

“Honestly, I thought it was ok to use the HOV lane because of that whole trilogy thing…you know?”

I don’t care if it’s your Fathers car,you still don’t have a licence!

“But I only had wine with dinner!”

“would you believe, just holy water?”

“The Cop says

So Jesus…..can I see your green card

heysuse get it lol”

“I’m sorry officer, my Halo fell in my eyes!”

“I only had 2 shots of Holy Water!”