No, I don’t want to watch anymore episodes of Mork & Mindy.

Hey the Jetson’s are here!!!!

I didn’t know you were left handed.

you had me at “Glaarb”.

I had always heard about the probing, but had no idea!!

I’m sorry. I am OK with you being an alien, but a third nipple is where I draw the line.

Probing is so underrated!

I swear! Sometimes it’s like you’re from Mars

The author of “Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus” at home.

“Marge,your mothers arrived.”

You know you’re not done till you do the probe thing…

Did you shut the cockpit when we got out?

I think we should go couch shopping tomorrow.

It’s ok, I guess it happens to aliens, too.

Don’t you think it’s about time you took me home to meet your parents?

“I didn’t know you were left handed.”

That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in a week.

I’m sorry, but this whole long distance romance thing just isn’t working for me!

Was that really a necessity to fix the cable?

“You look nothing like your online picture!!”

Enough with anal probes, Zargon!

Give me a break, you only last 30 seconds too???

You didn’t have to hurry. I have Jay Leno on Tivo.

Here on earth TV and cigarettes come after sex.

For the last time, no smoking in bed. I don’t CARE if it’s what you do at home. Obviously, we’re worlds apart.

Your e-harmony ad said you were a former illegal alien, I thought we would go for some Corona’s….

But heck…I really don’t weigh 115 pounds either..

This isn’t ANYONE’s idea of foreplay!

Remember what your brother Woody Allen said “If you smoke after sex you’re doing it too fast.”

My brother Sucks!!!

your eyes remind me of the tar in your lungs…

I really like your high cheek bones and three nipples, but smoking is very unattractive!

Oh come on, I shouldn’t be annoyed that you always take-off without me?

“It won’t work. We are lightyears apart.”

“Earthgirls are so easy.”

Crop circles can pop up anywhere.

You call THAT “out of this world”?

You call THAT a probe?

“I hope you didn’t pay full price for those cigs!”

“Unbelievable; three patches on your chest and you’re still smoking!”

You know, the only reason I called is because I caught Larry in bed with the Bigfoots.

im still human, you know.

1) “Don’t they make Viagra where you’re from?”

2) Michael Jackson comes out of the closet – Lisa Marie is not surprised.

Enough with the porn watching already! I’m still here you know…

“Three nicotine patches on your chest and you STILL can’t quit, Zendar! You aliens are all alike!”

Feeling so alienated, as they watched the bovine T.V. special, Susan finally agreed on adding a breast prosthesis…

Now I know why I’m a lesbian, you are not “out of this world”,like your ad said!

You may pay for this place, but I’m more than just a lightyear stand! Find yourself a new mistress.

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“I’ve had better”

Well, if i am going to be stuck here with humans i might as well kill some brain cells to get down to there level.

I believe the best comment is the one about me catching Larry in bed with the Bigfoots.

So, what are your parents going to say when they see our offspring?

Now I know why Duchovny is a sex addict.

Scully, can’t you shut up and let me watch the X-Files?!

all those stories about you being a supreme being are well, just WRONG.

next time park in the garage OR the neighbors will start talking …

So, you really are a dickhead.

You came all this way and THAT’s all you’ve got?

That was a ‘First Encounter of the WORST Kind!’

CORRECTION:

That was a ‘Close Encounter of the Worst Kind’

“I should have known- with a car like that, you must have been compensating for something.”

You better go home now – with the way the economy is here, they’ve had to turn the light at the end of the tunnel “off”.

Was it good for you?

I’m not sure this long distance romance is working.

Thanks for parking around back. I’m not sure what my husband would do if he caught us.

Just because they call it a quikie; doesn’t mean you can leave the motor running on your saucer. Show some respect for Earth’s environment; some of us still have to live here.

I’ve told you that I don’t want to watch “Earth Girls Are Easy” for the zillionth time. Watching it once, was one time too many & I’m tired of you comparing me to the girls in it. I’M NOTHING LIKE THEM!

Whatever…YOU F O!

To bad your other brain isn’t that big.

You have sex just like you travel, the speed of light.

Let’s just say this was the day the Earth DID NOT stand still.

Really! Simon Cowell is your cousin?

Barack, don’t give me your crap that you’re under pressure and need to smoke.

Um . . we usually have the cigarette after we do everything else.

“You’re never gonna be the next Marlboro Man, so stop trying!”

“Don’t you know cigarettes can kill!?” “E.T. smoke weed!”

“You could at least warn a girl that ‘ET’ stands for ‘EXTRA TESTICAL’!”

The night that Susan finally gave up drinking.

Don’t worry, Mr. Bighead–what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas!

Being the Secretary of State, I feel it is important to keep up on my foreign affairs, by the way that is quite the stimulus package.

In the chat room when I said describe yourself in bed and you said “out of this world” and “smokin” I really had something else in mind

Girl, you sure know how to take a probe like a fellatious champ lightyears ahead of your time.

You romans hate to see a brother riding holy.

Zadmux relished in the fact that he was no longer the only virgin left in Epsilon Tau fraternity.

Don’t flatter yourself……

One more thing, I’m really a man.

“Oh my god! You’re really going to probe me?!” Greta exclaimed in horror.

“No, I’m just blowing smoke up your ass,” Lawrence said.

“Don’t worry, it happens to every guy at least once in their life,” Michelle reassured Henry.

“Ya, but I feel like I don’t even deserve this cigarette now,” whimpered Henry.

Rocked my world? You rocked my universe baby!!

“I always thought UFO stood for unidentified flying object, not under-performing foreign objects”

You’re going to call me again?

I hope you’re not planning on spending the night.

“So Mr. Conehead, where are you from again. I come from France???” from the movie The Coneheads

“What was that you slipped into my drink??? Can I have another one???”

“You guys don’t get HDTV?”

-or-

Donning a wig, Jay Leno had gone to great lengths to get the first interview with an alien.

Why do we always have to come back to my place?

” What do you mean you have an important meeting in next universe in the morning? you’re not going to stay the night”

or

” It’s O.K. My husband has a third nipple too.”

“I guess I can tell you now. My real name’s not Barbara, it’s Bob.”

“Do you do EVERYTHING at light speed?”

ET phone booty.

IS THAT MY LAST CIGARETTE?
IS THAT A THIRD NIPPLE?

1) Hopefully our kid doesnt have your eyes or my mustache.

2) I can’t believe your kind hasn’t heard of “pulling out”.

No, I’m not going to perform the Bill Clinton thing on you. But at least he had the decency to use a cigar. Get rid of that tiny cigerette.

“Phone home. Phone home.” Geesh, you’re NEVER getting a divorce, are you?

Second hand smoke, second hand sex. Sometimes I feel like I married an alien.

1.Sooo….I take it you haven’t heard of second hand smoke.

2. close encounter of the Marlboro kind.

Woman: “Why come here to smoke?”
Alien: “Cause everyone on my planet thinks I’ve quit.”

So… Do you want to meet my mother now?

“I told you I FLY a tripod. I can’t help it you took it that way.”

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, I came here for this?

Women: Don’t you know smoking kills?
Alien: Not if you don’t have lungs.

TV & a CIG right after SEX,are you sure you didn’t already take over my husbands mind?

“Was it good for you?”

“Why do you ignore me when E.T. is on?”

“You humans really don’t appreciate the Celebrity Apprentice…”

Of all the strange things Greg had done since landing in her yard, his bizarre obsession with Full House was topping the list.

Have you seen my last tampon?

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(1) So this is what you meant by ‘Recovering data from Area 51′.
(2) They’re really getting tight on this illegal immigration. What part of Denmark did you say you were from again?

So I guess you don’t have a phone number?

So, now can I have a ride?

” Does this mean you’ll give us a bailout?”

” You’re a girl ?!?!”

Yeah! It was good, but with the intergalatic fuel prices. I can’t believe I just flew 5 trillion miles for that.

Was it worth the trip?

Hey, just because the earth moved doesn’t mean you have to pollute it!

You can beam me up like that again anytime!

Hey, honey, you look a little spaced out. Have another drag of your Jupiter weed!

I was hoping it was good enough for an abduction, not just a lousy cigarette!

Head?

Hey way far ,going to stay a while?

Since you took me to the moon and back, is this a bad time to ask. If you will call me later.

Hey Al Ien, can i have my glasses back?

OK…you were good tonight…but don’t get a big head.

You have to go now, i have to get up early tomorrow. That was great!

How come we never spend the night at your place?

My daughter has your poster on her wall. Now i now why.

OctoMom and her Estranged Alien Husband: “We have to release this sex tape and identify you as the real father. Cha-ching!”

I flew all the way here to see whats under that blanket.so are you going to show me???

WE’RE ALIENS AND THAT’S HOW WE ROLL!

THATS FINE WITH ME BABY…..BUT…ITS FIRST THINGS FIRST WHERE I COME FROM!

I know you said it would be “out of this world” but this isn’t what I had in mind.

Gravity!? Maybe if you told me that you just went swimming I’d believe you.

It’s not my fault you didn’t know that diaghrams were inedible.

“You call THAT a probe? Please”

I can handle the cigarettes , but if you start dipping were through!!!!

Huge?….. My Cable-TV has a bigger antenna than you do …..

I hear there was a good Tom Cruise movie on tonight

That’ll be $1,000. Which planet did you say you were the governor of?

1) Will I ever see you again?

2) Honestly, it doesn’t matter how big your probe is… it’s how you use it!

If my parents ask, you’re Jewish on your mother’s side of the family.

Honey, I just feel like our sex life is just becoming too mechanical.

So, how are those 3 nipples?

So, will you be in town tomorrow to meet for coffee?

Caption 1 – “What do you mean you didn’t know that the women on Earth have vaginas?!!? You’ve been abducting us for years and you never looked?!? I swear this is the LAST time I pick up anyone from the Cantina bar.”

Caption 2 – Having finally reached puberty, E.T. now understood why his father never let him grow ears.

Well, On this planet we call it an “after sex cigarette”

On Earth some people turn green from smoking, “how about you”?

I’m dating a guy with a cool car.

Who knew that was what “Klaatu barada nikto” meant!

So, I guess it’s true what they say about men from Uranus.

Ok, this and Roswell – so never happened.

now I know why they call you “little” green men.

good thing your eyes are 20-20.
You’d be screwed if you needed glasses.

What happens in Vega stays in Vega.

wow babe your ass is out of this world

it’s not you, it’s me

who knew a third nipple could be so much fun

“You’re just like all the rest. You have your way with me, then it’s off to another cosmos!”

“When Einstein spoke of ‘warping space and bending time’, I had no idea he was talking about technique!”

“I call it Alien Reefer, what do you think?

“Once you go alien, you never go back.”

“Don’t flatter yourself. You’re not the first one to discover the “black hole!”