Sorry about the “high five” comment. I’m a little rusty.

i’ll wind your back if you wind mine.

So I give you $500 and you can take me to the Wizard of Oz for new arms?

I’d give my right arm for a drink..wait…I’d give my left arm for…oh..um. How about this? Buy me a drink and you can have any part that’s left.

the tin man knew his best shot to score may be at the “arms optional” club on 2nd street

You stick those nuts in my mouth,
we might wind up together…

I don’t cook or clean, obviously, but I’m good at other things.

“great. I need to be wound-up to move and I’m next to the armless chick”

Come on have a heart and slide me my drink.

Girl, I would Love to give you a ride home, you just need to wind the key…

Miss, think you could turn me on? Sure, but I might need a hand.

Hey, buddy, can you lend me a hand?

Hey Mister Tin Man can you buy me the next drink? This one cost me an arm and an arm.

Don’t you recognize me, Tin Man? It’s Dorothy! I asked the Wizard for an end to the arms race and look what that wacko did to me!

She had a cute face, but she just didn’t…well, couldn’t…get my gears going.

You may wind up lending me a ten man, cause these last two drinks cost me an arm and a leg….

Haver you heard the one?

What do you call a woman with no arms and legs who is left in a bar? TIP

“So then after that mine exploded my arms off, I realized I was really a woman living in a man’s body. So, why do you have a birdhouse for a head?”

If I only had a ……penis.

“So yeah, a handjob is out of the question”

Woman asking-”Fancy a Screw.”

My nuts are a little rusty but the main shaft still works.

Crank realized he had discovered a hole in Eharmony’s personality compatible section shortly after he entered the bar.

Bartender, I’ll have another oil and WD40 but when I told you to cut her off, I didn’t mean that literally.

At last call, either lower your standards or go home alone.

After a couple of drinks they decided that they could maybe work something out.

You heartless bastard!!!
No you can’t have my dang straw!!!

That’s the last time I try online dating.

“Sometimes I just want a hug.”

“I sorry but wishing you had a heart just seems so trivial to me.”

I have to admit the whole online dating thing had me terrified, but after meeting you I realize how armless it can be.

The Tin Man’s younger brother never made it in Hollywood and resorted to drinking and picking up strange women.

The Island of Misfit Toys, 40 years later.

And He’s whining about not having a heart at least the bastard has arms!

“No way she is paying for those drinks.”

we’re both screwed.

“Hon, that will teach you to hug the wrong machine.”

I sure could use a mouthful of nuts… could you give me a hand?

Rusty thought to himself “Well if I say something she doesn’t like, at least I won’t get slapped”.

“So”, said Rusty “You got in here by working the doorknob with your mouth? Yeah, I think maybe I could overlook the ‘lack of arms’ thing”.

“Apparently the two didn’t think the whole thing out before their great escape from mattel!”

My name is Venus… Venus de Milo.

Girl: “Yeah, I just found out I have termites”….and you?….
Guy: “Bad ticker”..

Tom sadly knew in the end that the relationship would never work.

“Apparently ‘heel-clicking’ has some adverse side effects.”

There’s no place like Cheer’s.
There’s no place like Cheer’s.
There’s no place like Cheer’s.

“I once had a boyfriend like you. He got an MRI and I never saw him again.”

Divorce Irony – He may have gotten screwed when she got half, but all she can do now is roll around in it!

Go figure…the tin man has no heart and she’s all “up in arms” about it

“Ya know big guy, I don’t have a heart either….Unfortunately I was in the habit of wearing it on my sleeve.”

I didn’t know drinks here cost an arm and a leg. How’d you wind up here anyway?

You’re here to unwind? Hey, I’m here to lose myself!

“My arms may not be seen, but yours are obscene!”

Anabelle knew she was in no place to judge, but she just couldn’t get over the growth on George’s back.

Please, please, please reach into my purse and put some more money on the bar before you get too unwound!

Unfortunately for Rusty as he became completely unwound, his beer-goggle mode wore off.

And the manniquin said, “My guess is you are drinking oil. What do you think I’m drinking?”

I never believed in reincarnation. This must be the punishment for my former life.

“Wanna arm wrestle?”

“What’s your warranty?”

“Don’t give me that “If I only had a heart bull…”

I’m torn apart, Venus D. Just because I’m presumin’ that I could be kind-a-human,If I only had heart.

Well, you don’t turn me on either.

I know it’s a little extreme, but you said I was being too clingy!

It’s Miss…, masochist’s -ideal-quit-smoking-method; interested?

OOPS! MASOCHIST’s IDEAL STOP SMOKING method.

I’m pretty sure she didn’t just grab my butt.

Lizzy felt alittle disarmed by Rusty’s riviting conversation.

Please stay an arms length away from me !

Im currently cast in a leading roll in “Spamalot”

WANNA GO TO MY PLACE AND UNWIND?

“Barman,give my friend a screwdriver cocktail and give me an orgasm.”

I’ll have a Jack and Quakerstate and she’ll have a Woodchuck Cider

Ned wondered if Helen could wind him up or if he was going to have to take matters into his own hands once again.

“I’m just looking for someone who can wind me up without walking all over me.” “Yer barkin’ up the wrong tree fella..”

Honestly, there’s no (h)arm in asking you to turn me on to these nuts!

I’m a lingerie model at Macy’s. What do you do?

“What happened to you?” “I got cut off in traffic. Twice”

…budget cuts affect the masses.

You tell me a better way to quit smoking and lose weight at the same time.

Hey baby, I don’t need arms to wind you up!

Why does it say your Crank is made by “Viagra”?

Hi, my name’s Lorena Bobbit. I’m here because I finally got what I deserve, but still can’t be trusted around real men …

So, a wind-up toy and a woman with no arms walk into a bar and they… oh, you heard this one already?

OK I’ll dance with you but I’m not giving you a hand job, so don’t get wound up.

I guess it would be wrong to expect you to hitch hike home….

Oh I’m sorry! I think you misunderstood me. “Shut The Hell Up” IS what I”m drinking!

I just love exotic cocktails! This here is a “Slippery Nipple”. Wanna try one? Wait, on second thought, you look like more of a “Lube Job” kinda guy! Oh hell! Let’s just order a few rounds of Slippery Nipples AND Lube Jobs and get this party started!!

[...] Click here for the Splendid Marbles Cartoon Caption Contest. [...]

The armless woman kept asking the robot for help with her drink, so he went and got her a bendy straw. Upon doing so, he used up all his energy and now he needs to be winded back up so he can enjoy his drink too, so he says “I don’t suppose you could get me a bendy straw could ya? You know, like an eye for an eye kinda thing?” And the armless woman says “Oh no, nice try buddy, but the last time I tried to help a guy he said it would be like an arm for an arm kinda thing and look where that got me. I can go without arms, but I can’t go without eyes and arms!” And the robot says “Well could you try and wind me back up then?” And the woman says “Very funny pal” and walks away.

So the caption shall be:

“Peggy now knows the true meaning of ‘An Arm For An Arm’”

When Peggy said she would give an arm for a bendy straw and another arm for someone to talk to I didn’t think she was being serious!

Correction**

When Peggy said she would give her left arm for a bendy straw and her right arm for someone to talk to I didn’t think she was being serious!

I told you wind up is better than battery operated.

Looking at the dynamics of the situation, Tin Man new it was possible, he could get wound tonight.

To make matters worse, I had just signed up for unlimited texting.

I still think with good promo Wood Chipper Barbie would have found her niche.

1) Did I tell you what happened to the last guy that ordered me a martini shaken, not stirred?

2) Don’t get all wound up, I was asking for the other nuts…

Despite the restraining order, Miley Mannequin kept seeing former beau Robby Rockem’ Sockem’ Robot in their old haunts.

The Old Movie Stars meet at a bar.. The Tin Man having a Shirley Temple

“I’m not a complete woman. Is that what you just said? Yeah well, go crank yourself pal!!”

“Ya know, there’s something I like about you, I just can’t put my finger on it.”

“Well,it makes a change from getting Legless every night.”

“Something tells me they were not Dolphins we just swam with”. Everyone knows Dolphins dont eat Blondes?

…so, who sold you your arms?

“Come on over to my place and we’ll see how things wind up!”

“I’ll take a screwdriver with a tin and tonic chaser!”

“That better be your last drink….I’m cutting myself off- I don’t think I can drive us home.”

“So, can you tell that I lost 10 pounds???”

Great another man who has to be wound up just to get him going…

What and you think I need Help???

As the lit teacher watched he couldn’t help but wonder, was it “The Taming of the Shrew” or “The Turn of the Screw”?

“I just never realized I had to arm myself against heartless men.”

feed the pet food not bullshit 2,,,, when the smuck is done dinners ready