I know we agreed to accept each others VICES, but when they interfere with breakfast that’s where I draw the line!

Jigsaw is getting careless and a little lazy with his latest torture devices

I just don’t understand this new ultra-modern winter wear.

biscuit head and vice girl were once again snubbed by the invitation commitee at the super-hero convention.

These self-help gimmmicks have got to go.

“Cough, runny nose, sore throat, body aches, headache, chills, fatigue or tiredness …”

“Well, well, what about vertigo or dizziness?”

“…no, not a symptom of swine flu.”

And I thought my coffee habit was a bad vice.

Fred feels todays morning brew is weighing him down… Nancy just sees it as antoher vise…

Honey, I don’t think these holloween costumes are worth a damn.

Are you SURE you’re not just hungover?

I told you, see what happens when you have unprotected sex.

Do you think this new synthetic coffee has any side effects?

Join us once again for caption judging time at the home of The Cartoonist and The Fiancee.

“Do you think if you gave up your vices, my black cloud will disappear?”

One more cup of coffee, and everything will be ok.

I know it’s not marble, but it is all my father left me.

“I think we both need to go back to regular coffee instead of decaf”

I’ve heard that kids can sense when parents aren’t getting along.

I have so say I’m not a fan of our therapists methods.

The headache was awful, but she knew the arsenic and coffee would make it
go away soon.

EDIT

I have to say I’m not a fan of our therapist’s methods

Susie felt sorry for Dan but was getting tired of listening to him complain about the mistake of picking up the Rockgaine at store.

#1. Just because you’re a human lightening rod, doesn’t mean we can’t make this work.

#2. Honey, I know you’re under alot of pressure, but I think a meteor just landed on my head.

Just listen to the two of us complain, just be thankful we don’t have my bosses “knife in the back” syndrome.

“Why does it always have to be a competition with you?”

“I just don’t know how you can sit there and call me hard-headed when you are so tight and narrow-minded…”

Caffeine headaches are a bitch…

Do you think our chronic migraines could have anything to do with the power lines?

This new medical trial must really be narrowing my thinking, because your new hairdo is awful!

We will never drink again. Deal?

A new additive in coffee may increase chances of irrational mind-blowing and/or narrow-minded thoughts.

Have your caffeine headaches seemed worse than usual lately?

thats the same look i had on my face when i told my parents i was having an abortion.

“Honey,how come every time we screw it gives us both headache.”

Rock, paper, scissors, vice, lizard, spock

I don’t think these new sex toys are doing it for me.

Frankly, the headaches get worse; and no job is worth the P-I-T-A, this one is turning into…

I guess it’s obvious where this office romance is headed!

My brain is too big and you screw too much.

Mr. Big Head meets Mrs. Screw

“Agreed: we will never buy hair gel and headphones from Walmart again!”

Wife; “I’m sorry I called you a blockhead.”
Husband, ” I’m sorry, I said to go screw yourself.”

Think out side the box…I don’t think we’ve got it quite right yet.

Gee, let me guess. Tonight you’re going to have a headache again, right?!

1) Sure, I’ve been living under a rock, but you will always be my main squeeze! 2) Oh Yeah? Well,you don’t know the meaning of splitting headache!

It’s not a tumor!

That hypnotist was very funny but I still don’t see what he did to us that was so hilarious.

That’s the last time we play truth or dare with the kids.

So uh… what’s on your mind?

You think if we act like nothing’s wrong no one will notice?

Honey, there’s something that’s been weighing me down. It’s your constant excuse of having a headache every time I want sex.

Network executives bounce ideas off each other. “What do you think about bringing back the Flintsone’s and Miami Vice?”

Perhaps the vice could be used to hold this boulder in place?

“I guess we can rule out any chance at Ascension.”

“Screwbie” meets “Doobie”

“Maybe you should take it easy on the coffee Marian. You’re lookin a little wound up.”

You just HAD to try that new salon “Poof-N-Vice. Darn BOGO.

See, dress up with a boy is NOT the same as with a girl!

Bob: “So how long do you think it will take for your ears to lay flat?”
Betty: “About as long as it will take that boulder to flatten your cone head.”

Ironically, if you take that vice off, you’re screwed.

So, how did your audition with the Vice Girls go?

Maybe switching to decaf wasn’t the best idea.

After Brainstorming last night. I came to the conclusion you’ve been a little up tight

Marge decides Vice President is’nt what she had envisioned when she agreed to marry to Hershal .

In your profile you said you didn’t have any vices.

And in your profile you said you had a rock head I thought !?!?

“Lets look on the bright side,you can no longer see my bold patch or your elephant ears.”

The year was 2081, and everybody was finally equal.

I wish Dick Cheney had never read “Harrison Bergeron”.

Honey, I really appreciate your desire to have sympathy pains while I suffer with Rockheaditis, but that’s going a bit far.

“Maude, I promise if we squeeze hard enough your brains will start squashing out the top of your head.”

“Here Berthay. Drink my coffee. It is so strong it will burst that thing right off your head.”

“You should have seen the size of that bird that flew over head Ethel. I just had to show you because I knew you wouldn’t believe me.”

I’m starting therapy. You?

What, you dont like my singing?

say another word and im getting the hammer!

I am weighted down with my own problems, but I am glad you took my adVICE for the splitting headache.

You are so hard headed that it makes me want to squeeze my head off!

Can’t our kids come up with some better inventions?

Hi my name is sh– head. What is yours?

Living in New York sure is relaxing, isn’t it?

“Oy! This? This is nothing compared to two weeks in Boca with the inlaws.”

“I think we may need to spring for the premium insurance plan because this ’safey net’ plan seems bogus.”

I really think we should limit the alternative therapies we try for headace relief.

I don’t get it. Teens sneak out at night to go partying so they can feel like this in the morning?

Earmuffs and a hat…with this economy, it’s called cutting back.

“Honey, I know my toupee drives you crazy, but no one seems to notice it.”

“I know I can be hard-headed, but you really need to loosen up!”

“Yeah, well you don’t have any friends and there’s a vice on your head.”

“Well I still say the capital of Kansas is Kansas City.”

This one’s just for me.

“That’s not a vise it’s a c-clamp. And you look like an idiot.”

The things people will do to not be called a block-head!

Is it my turn with the vice-clamp yet?

I say after this coffee break, we move on to bamboo shoots and waterboarding.

2 cups of coffee 10.50$
new dress for date 45.95$
hair and make up 76.99$
headache from this date. priceless…

So honey.. i was thinking.. maybe the guys from work were right.. you are way to smart to be in hairstyling school.. Why don’t you try something new?

I pulled out my high school yearbook today… We sure dressed funny back then!

Darling, the therapist said that you blocking me out was one of our biggest issues.

Sometimes I wonder what we might accomplish if only we didn’t enjoy torturing each other so much.

Obama’s speech on the bailout? but he said the weight would be on our shoulders!!!

OMG!! he said we all had to clamp down,

Yeah, it’s a tumor. Now we’re BOTH screwed.

We’re PERFECT for each other! I’m really into classic rock, and your favorite song is “Twist and Shout!”

“It’s like this. If you stop screwing with me, I’ll stop raining on your parade.”

Infomercial Hall of Fame inductees in the Hair Loss Prevention Category.

Well, if I may paraphrase, why beholdest the mote on thy brother’s head while ignoring the C-clamp on thy own jumbo melon?

Helen, after looking at you this morning, no wonder men read the newspaper at breakfast while having their coffee.

I might be a rockhead, but everyone can see your vices.

Ben and Bertie dealt with pressure in their own unique ways.

If I want a cup of coffee once in a while, what’s the big deal? You should have seen me when I still smoked.

Crikey! These must be side effects from the new meds!

“I know it’s the thought that counts, Trudy, but what do you think your parents are trying to say with these housewarming gifts?”

“We’re visual metaphors for sexual dysfunction: You clamp up, and I can’t get my rocks off!”

This migraine is really something – you have the strangest aura around your head.

Breakfast at the Sado-Maschism household.

Wade should have known the relationship was not going to work out when he realized how narrow minded Wanda tried to be about things.

Sweetheart I just don’t think this new form of therapy is working for us…

At least your screws aren’t loose anymore.

That’s alright I guess, but let me tell YOU a story