Contrary to popular belief you can go wrong with a black pump!

Just cause Jane is broke does not mean she has to give up on style!

Yes, rain is a bitch on the insole.

Stilt homes are all the rage now. No worries about floods.

when i asked you to show me houses with a lot of soul. This is’nt what I had in Mind .

It was a real bargain. All we had to do was get rid of the smell.

“The neighborhood needs better zoning or we will end up with flip-flop houses.”

“And next door you have this beautiful Workman style home.”

Way more “Curb Appeal”

I do like the style of this one, my only concern is the number of children that live next door.

“Let The Old Woman live in that shoe! I’ll take my shoe to hers anyday.”

That’s what happens when cobblers become contractors.

“Property taxes aren’t that bad, but the price for Odor Eaters is outrageous.”

“I wanted a house with arch support.”

Oh, this old thing?

We felt it was important to raise our children in an enviroment that was supportive.

Of course we don’t have any kids… why?

Babysit at my house? Are you out of your mind?

There’s a high top sneaker going up next door in about a month.

It’s a lucky thing our father was a HUGE crossdresser….

I don’t care what Johnny’s digestive condition is. He can hold it until he get’s on your lawn.

I’ve heard about you …

Honestly Hazel . Can you beleive that bitch calling me a “Little Ole Lady “

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children, she didn’t know what to do..Until her friend Renay moved next door with a Sophia Banay..

“Of course Giganticus is a cross dresser…Isn’t it obvious?

“Yep. Can you imagine drowning in rain water…that’s just crappy planning.”

I find that odor eaters seem to get the smell out…

So yeah, you’re right. I should have gone with the open toed floor plan for better drainage.

I keep sliding off the end of the bed.

It’s obvious your jealous my house comes with a slide!!

I moved in as soon as the soled sign went up.

So I was thinking about putting in some larger trees to hide your old boot from my view, it’s killing my value.

“Our new neighbour is a retired Army Boot camp sergeant.”

“Sorry I can`t talk i`m off to Dr Martens for a medical.”

Guess who decided to have their husband design the house.

The little old lady thought to herself, I could live in a nice pump like that if the children ever left the nest.

Why do people always refer to me as “high maintenance”???

She is always bragging about her Jimmy Chouse!

“I believe the builder’s name was.. Blahnik?”

“This one comes equipped with a convenient fireman’s pole in the heal for quick access to the basement!”

“Oh yea, you think you can do better!? How about you live a year in my shoe!”

“Our first thought was a ‘fixer-upper’..and then we thought why not ‘leather-upper’?”

Correction:

“This one comes equipped with a convenient fireman’s pole in the heel for quick access to the basement!”

“It’s your dog again Alice! He keeps chewing our foundations!”

Why it’s patently obvious you don’t approve of the renovation jean

“I don’t know if you’re aware this or not, but they put your house in a big pile of dog droppings…”

“Roomy?? Absolutely!! ..and SO much cooler in the summer!”

“Where would you have taken me if I said window shopping?!”

Can’t we find something fashionable and functional?

“Where’s your husband?”

“He said he was going to the attic. That was about 20 years ago.”

“The realtor tried convincing me that I had 723 square feet. I just looked down at my shoes and laughed.”

I told you this would happen when the city people decided to build a summer home.

Nice to meet you Mrs. Hubbard, I’m Barbie your new neighbor.

I’m thinking of adding a second story.

“We bought ours from a Prince,he said it belonged to Cinderella.”

People in open leather houses shouldn’t throw stones.

Margaret, I tell you I just can’t sell this house. It’s not so much the mold. It’s more of a fungus problem.

Well Gladys we used to live in a flat but we wanted to be in something a bit more classy. You know, something with a bit more soul. This new house has been a very uplifting experience for Kinny and I. We are glad we took that first step. At first Kinny was a bit of a heel about the whole thing but then he came to his senses.

“For some reason we are having a problem getting earthquake insurance”

“We’ve gone green with this new streamlined version. We have to use every square inch!”

“Bitch”

“Shoes Your Dwelling.”

“Stan and I will not be coming back for dinner until you get that old shoe smell out of your house.”

“Well we had to get rid of the puppy he kept chewing up…everything.”

“We grew out of our last home…”

“Your home is SO much more practical!”

“We have a flat in the city, so we wanted our vacation home to have a little more style.”

Gentrification hurts.

This is the one time I wished I lived in a “cookie cutter” type of neighborhood.

“Screw Wii Sports…. see we have installed this handy firepole not only has it spiced up our love live but now the husband and kids fight over who gets to take out the trash”

“Who does your laces?”

Where shoe business people go for vacation.

“This is the time of the year I wish my side of the line had voted for a Patriarchal Society.. Brr.”

“Looks like the bank’s going to foreclose. You were right, we should have been more sensible.”

I wanted a home with laces too, but Frank said we just couldn’t afford it.

We’re having sole for dinner, and cobbler for dessert.

When you’ve got bad foot odor, like I’ve got, you have to have windows, my dear!

“Just wondering if you have a cup of polish I could borrow?”

This model is just perfect for the up and coming fairy tale young professional.

“We’re in the news for stamping out crime.”

“We’re ready to evacuate and run at a moment’s notice.”

“The piggies like it.”

“We’re lucky we didn’t lose our shoes in the economic crash.”

“The Habitat volunteer work crews aren’t what they used to be.”

This is the fifth one we’ve bought. I admit it! I have a shoe fetish!

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe. She didn’t really like it, but what was she to do? She used to have a nice little suitcase by Lake Newt. But she couldn’t make the payments and the bank gave her the boot.

Rob wants to get one of those cross-trainers one day and take a trip around the country. I say fine, as long as we get to stop off once in a while and stay in a nice pump…or boot!

We liked how your trees framed your boot SO much, that we decided to rip up this row of bushes and put in some big pine trees! Now when people come up over that hill they’ll definitely notice OUR house! Isn’t that funny?!

” If Bob doesn’t find a job soon,we face foreclosure and will have to move into an open toe sandal !”

It seems like our houses are just 2 feet apart.

When I said I was looking for the golden arches, I meant McDonald’s.

“When it comes to houswork I can`t do a thing right ,I`m always putting my Foot in it.”

“We decided to spruce up a bit, we hired College Polishers.”

Yeah the neighborhood is nice, but the bitch next door has like 100 kids.

Actually I own them both, but the one on the left was before I had my sex change.

D-I-V-O-R-C-E is so liberating!

He said he “needed more space”, so I gave it to him.

Do you think anyone can tell I use to be a “working girl” before I got married?

“Not all of us have what it takes to pull ourselves up by our boot straps”

Not all of us have what it takes to pull ourselves up by our boot straps!

“And on the next episode of ‘House Hunters’ . . .”

Mrs. Jones takes shoe selling a little to seriously.

“Thanks. We got the idea from an old ‘Cobbler’s Digest’.”

I’m just happy not living on a shoestring anymore….

“Oh yes, this was a hand-me-down. We got a great deal on it.

We’re not worried about footclosure,its paid for.

There was a gigantic foot! We all ran to the front room…. and thats how we found your neighborhood.

You better keep your kids on your own lawn or I’ll put my shoe up you *ss.

Tell me dear, how much did you pay for the Dock Martin?

I hear your house is haunted by some old lady

I know this won’t count (I already posted my five, and this one is posted past the deadline), but try this one for laughs: “The best real estate deals in town come from Paul & Estelle Bunyan’s yard sale!”

And I was wondering what that smell was…

The riddle has changed to fit today. Instead of, “There was an old lady who lived in a shoe…”, it goes, “There was a young chic who lived in a ‘pump’…”.

“You know Milly, your house really does lower the value of the other homes in the neighborhood. It’s time to ‘Get with the style’”.

“You know, I’d really love to join you for crumpets and rice pudding, however, I’m having friends over for petit fours and bonbons”.