Well, you are what you eat…so you shouldn’t expect to be the picture of health!

I’m sorry to tell you that this proctology exam will not be very comfortable, but I’m sure everything will come out okay!

You know, you really need to watch your cholersterol. You LDL is off the chart.

There is no magic pill, it is all about diet and exercise.

Good rule of thumb, if you don’t want to have an upset stomach, stay with your fresher road kills.

“Yep, it’s the bird flu.”

“Patience my ass, let’s get the hell outta here.”

“The good news is I just saved money on my car insurance.”

“Feel free to get a second opinion but don’t go see any quacks.”

“Don’t be ashamed, I’ve been seeing lots of birds lately that ask about the little blue pill.”

“Listen, we ALL have cricks in our neck and no you cannot have oxycodone.”

Your health care provider does not pay for waxing.

Don’t worry, there are good doctors down South.

Illness takes a terrible turn when the doctor says: “you’re looking tasty today”

How’s my tasty…err umm favorite patient today?

“Listen, vultures weren’t meant to live on vegetables alone. You need to get a nice hot, stinking yack corpse in your system and you’ll feel much better.”

Sounds like the kids have a “Failure to Launch” problem

Well Doc, I caught my wife sprinkling me with salt and pepper!

Your previous doctor sounds like a quack!

Sorry I’m late! It’s raining cats and dogs out there!

Your previous physician sounds like a quack!

That was some tasty Doctor. Let’s go to the Dentist next.

“Hey listen… instead of just standing here I’m going to start… uh, circling above your head… nothing to worry about really…”

“Have you eaten any swine lately?”

sirry to inform you sir but you have crows disease

Take two carcasses and call me in the morning.

Yes, birds of a feather should flock together, but watch out for the birds with H1N1.

Nothing to worry about, your case of bird flu will be gone soon.

No, rotten food won’t rot your beak.

No, fresh meat is NOT one of the four food groups.

My goodbess boy, your starting to look like a flamingo, you really must eat more.

Tiger Woods may be a rotten husband, but you should still wait until he’s dead.

I’ll prescribe you two Tiger Woods, or any other type of dead meat.

Eggsactly, stop taking the birdcontrol and you will start laying eggs.

In the future, remember to remove all watches, belts and necklaces before eating.

Sorry to tell you that you have premature feather loss.

“I think it’s probably just someone you ate”

I know around the holidays everything looks good, but remember, let’s do things in moderation or we start looking like pelicans.

“I’m afraid the bad news is, I only have a turkey thermometer!”

“I thought I told you not to let the turkeys get you down!”

“Ha ha, close… CarriON is what you ate… CarriER pays your bills, it’s an easy mistake. And hey, we’ve all eaten a carrier or two, so it gets confusing.”

“Why the long beak? Just whats’s this flap about?”

It was something you ate.

I told you during our last visit “HOT AIR not HOT WATER!!”

I’m going to refer you to an ornithologist.

“I`m afraid it`s bad news,you`ve only got Two Hours to Live,so how about coming back to my place for Dinner.”?

You’re going to have to lose that dead weight.

Ok Mr. Smith this will only take a minute, please drop your shorts..turn your head and cough..

Alright, I will get the results of your physical sent over to Warner Bros. and we’ll see if we can get you another contract.

Everyone is worried about swine flu, however no one is addressing the real issue.. Bird Clap.
For the last time stay away from those Segulls….

So this next part of the exam becomes a little more difficult without opposable thumbs

huh? oh the stethescope….yeah, that is just for looks, I always have trouble finding my ears

Please give cartoonist and cartoonist’s mum our best regards!

Turn that frown upside down Zac, I’m giving you the mother of all cocktails. Zoloft, Lexapro, Prozac… ENJOY

The carry-out was actually carianne?

Alright Tom, I think it would be best if you steered clear of any roadkill from now on, you just cant’t hear the cars coming anymore.

“No need to be embarrassed, yours won’t be the first carcass I’ve seen!”

How about them Ravens? Big game tonight against GreenBay…

Damn it Herbert you have to believe in yourself… How do you think Tom the Turkery ended up at the DA’s office..YOU CAN DO IT..

it’s caused by “Global warming”.

“stunk to high heaven” isn’t really much to go on.

yea…im gonna go out on a limb and suggest it was probably something you ate

I thought you just laid eggs! well I’ll be danged…..

either way i think your still going to have a better holiday season then Tiger Woods

“I have trouble circling overhead. It’s more like I’m ovaling overhead. I need help.”

“It’s called Circular Disfunction. You need Flyagra.”

It’s okay that happens to alot of birds our age…im going to perscribe you some cialas

“BREAKDOWN? I’ll show them breakdown. Anger issues. I wouldn’t be so angry if … DAMN IT! I’M NOT A BUZZARD!!!”

I only had to pop 2 ballons at the fair to get that diploma!

Yeah, the lions ate most of the body, but I found that diploma next to the carcass.

You sure are ugly.

If you don’t make it, I am going to have to eat you!

Now stick out your tongue and say squawk.

Raise your wing, I need to check your bird pressure.

you really need to cut back on the mcdead people Lennie.

Cut back on the red meat.

I’m from your HMO. We’ve decided to eliminate the middle man.

Expect some discomfort during the prostate exam.

The guilt consumes me, doctor.

“Waiting in the next room isn’t nearly as fun as flying over head”

who’s your provider again?

you don’t want a shot? what are you a chicken?

“Any chance of a quick Peck,I haven`t had any breakfast.”

Tigers ok so far, but I think it’s
safe to start circling.

Take two opossums and call me in the morning.

It appears Obama’s “Hope for change” speech you swallowed is having a hard time digesting!

You have got to quit eating fresh foods, you know it is no good for you.

Wake up. Mr. Nelson., You are making me hungry.

You wanna grab a bite? I saw a nice deer on my way to work today.

What’s after “stethescope” on the scavenger hunt list?

If you go with the silicone it will definitely have a more realistic feel.

“No… you can not get a medical marijuana card for bird flu”

You met her on Craigslist and still didn’t wrap it up.

I can’t check your reflexes…you don’t have any knees.

“Honey, I’m happy to inform you that your vulva is rotten.”

It looks like you’ve already had enough plastic surgery.

You know, you are what you eat!

Sooooo…how often do you experience this dizziness?

“Mr. V it seems that you’re losing weight.”
“Well Doc since gas prices are up, the humans aren’t traveling so my food supply down”

Let’s hurry up and get this over with, my road kill is waiting.

May I be blunt? You’re dead meat.

I’ve got a bone to pick with you.

Bad news – You have 24 hours to live.

Good news – It’s party time!

Its not the end of the world. Male pattern baldness is something that some birds just have to deal with.

Was the human undercooked?

So… Have you heard the word?

B-b-b-bird, bird, bird, b-bird’s the word. A-well-a bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word. A-well-a bird, bird, bird, bird bird bird bird…

Ah, just kidding. You’re okay just get some sleep and you should feel better in the morning.

You are gorgeous. We’re just gonna go ahead and do a beak job, maybe a feather tuck here and there. It’ll be fabulous, relax.

Well, a long time ago I was doing a procedure on a patient and somehow my phone wound up inside the patient. My phone was set to vibrate and I never went back in to retrieve it so ever since then we’ve been known as Buzzards.

Good news you’re pregnant!

“Don`t tell me, you thought the witch doctor was a fake just like me.”

Next time chew before you swallow.

Just take it easy for the next couple of days and you’ll be back to eating carcass in no time.

Good news you’re pregnant!

“You’ll be up and circling in no time.”

Don’t get your feathers ruffled so often.

Oh, nope,nope,nope,no,nope,nope,nope,no, Uh, nope,nope,nope,nope,no, uuuuuh Huh?

Let’s head back to the plastic surgeon’s place. This place is picked clean.

Sending well-wishes for Greg’s mom.

“No, I never went to Med School! I was eating this guy in the back parking lot and this thing got stuck on my neck. Long story short, I’m seeing twelve patients a day with a back log of six weeks.”

“So tell me what you don’t like about yourself.”

you have to stay away from the road kill buzeard looks like ya got a touch of the bird flu itis-splenditistenosous come back in 2 days

better watch your weight bud you are looking a little bit like a turkey thanksgivings almost here

looks like you got chicken legs and your necks broke

“Whatever prompted you to become a vegan I don’t know, but it’s killing ya Vinnie?!”

[...] posted here:  Splendid Mables Cartoon Caption Contest | Splendid Marbles By admin | category: cartoon, cartoon car | tags: been-seeing, birds-lately, cartoon, [...]

You really need to stop smoking..it’s giving you crow’s feet

“Bad news, Horace. You tested positive for vegetables.”

“Let’s start with a prescription for breath mints.”

“Good news – you don’t have a cute anything.”

I hear chirping voices,
and they don’t like you.

I’m giving you a prescription for curb-side service

I KNOW IT IS HARD TO LOSE WEIGHT
DUE TO SO MANY DYING DUE TO THE
LOUSY ECONOMY.

Regardless of your family name Mr Dumbass, as your doctor, I urge you to cut out the Vegan diet and start eating red meat.

he will remove another wishbone from my gullet.

Generally speaking, my patients are usually a little more ‘ripe’ when I see them.

I understand your concern… I’m a little ‘picky’ myself.

The stethoscope? Oh, it’s just to make sure.

You look plump… I mean ‘healthy’ enough to me.

He called me a quack! Stupid duck…

Your pest results are back…cut back on the squirrel.

Did you have to eat the entire hippo to pass the hypocratic oath?

“Well I don’t know, what do you want to do?”

You need to go on a low carrion diet. Maybe eat a few more vegetables.

If you think you’ve been picked clean now just wait until you get the bill!

You know doc, I just have this horrible sense of ennui…

No, we don’t provide carry out!

The good and bad news is “You won’t be needing another appointment…”

We got you coming and going!