No need to worry about the neighbors bothering you…

The driveway looks like it might be a little tricky when it snows…

Armed and Ready Realty exacted notions of Homeland Security on a home-to-home basis.

“so THIS is the new HGTV dream home, huh?”

“…some paint, a few flowers, some artillery… honey I think we can make this place POP!”

This one is nice…. It has that German Colonial House Style feel. I believe the owner named it the “Eagles Nest”

“SAM’S SIGHT! I SAID SAM’S SIGHT!”

“The last owner has gone into a mental home he went Ballistic.”

“…and it has a built in security system.”

I know the ad said “boarder house with a view, great security system”….
We were thinking about something a little less masculine….

This will not work, Jane has bad knees.

“I had never heard of Panzer Peak.”

“Oh, Please can we take it? I always wanted a tank!”

So is the white glow around the house radiation?
Or is that just how the clouds gather?

you won’t need a fence

“Does it come with or without the amo?”

“This is sooo cool!”

“Are you sure this is Licht Observatory?”

“No! We are not buying the house and I will not call you G.I. Joe!”

It works great for keeping the in-laws away and the Taliban.

The zoning board would not permit a fence.

You would not believe how polite the neighbors are.

Not only can you see Russia, you can attack!

Believe it or not, you can shoot your kids out of that cannon everyday and they will never be late for school.

shells included

“You say this use to be the home of George Bush??”

The ad says,” Cozy Secluded Retreat.”

Why is Dick Cheney selling it?

Yes, we have another model home that is still available but it is a “double barrel” home.

She told me she needed a TANK TOP.

She said she wanted a TANK TOP,

“This house is a “higher caliper” house than the other ones we looked at”.

I wanted a TANK TOP to wear NOT to live in!!

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle.

Hey honey, remember that conversation we were having the other day about the difference between an architectural turret and a gun turret?

What kinda range does this baby get?

How come the wheelchair ramp doesn’t go all the way to the house?

You tell Mr. Bin-Laden that we aren’t going any higher than $150,000!

Indeed, it is Mr. Jones. All of our homes are fully childproofed.

So, now it is called the Barack of Gilbraltar?

They contracted with Defense Department roofers.

I can finally take my skeet shooting to a whole new level

That baby is the world record holder for punkin chunkin

I’m just not sure it is rustic enough

now this one is a blower upper

If you think I’m hanging Christmas lights on THAT, you’re nuts!

and that bonus room ensures there will be no more delays in receiving your frequent flyer miles.

I’m sure it can withstand a heavy attack, but how well does it cool in the summer?

This one was a favorite vacation spot of George Lucas…He had the turret broght in from the original Death Star.

I said look for a German Bank, not a Sherman Tank!

This address had nothing to do with being labeled the White House “party crashers.”

“the only thing I know that is wrong with the house?, the security alarm is broken”

“See. Americans CAN feel good about a vacation home in Afghanistan!”

“Can you say ‘compensating’?”

“And this is the old Charlton Heston estate.”

“I gotta admit that only turning left to go home and only turning right to leave IS appealing.”

“Honey, with the hatch on top, I just don’t feel safe. That’s what called ‘AI’ – Architecturally Irresponsible. Frickin’ AI that’s all that is…A frickin I.”

I really like what they have done with the window treatments!

Is there anything in a larger caliber?

I don’t think they got the right contractors to do the remodel.

Have you got anything in a 16 inch?

Actually, we’re tired of living under the gun.

It doesn’t stand a chance against my mother in law.

I think keeping up with the Jones’ is rather difficult in this neighborhood!

Tanks, but no tanks.

It doesn’t stand a chance against your mother.

I swear. from the top you can see your house

I promise you want be bothered by those pestky trick or treaters again

…And a Nice Tax Break is available for first time buyers ….

And what the hell are we supose to do if it snows ?

It’s perfectly legal .. Remember the second amendment …

I promise you it’s bigger and nicer than what the Jones just bought

“The neighbors are quiet…..”

“Surprisingly, no.”

Home On The Shooting Range

This property is being sold ‘AS IS’
as part of the Government’s Defense Reutilization Program.

“Mr. Sherman originally bought it as a ‘handyman special”.

This is the perfect “sight” for an up and coming terrorist couple.

“We`re looking for a higher Caliber type of home.”

sorry,..but when you said home on the range, i was thinking something different.

I said we wanted to rent, not a turrent

“Should we submit an offer or a treaty?”

You will neve need a laxative.

I said we wanted a house to rent, not a house turrent!

I don’t care if george lukas did own it

All that is required of you to live here is that you occasionally do a sweep of the border to make sure that no one is crossing illegally.

You should really see the pool in the back yard

We call this Cinder-fella’s Castle

The last guy to live here was a big fan of James Garner movies.

It’s nice, but we were looking for
something with conventional nukes.

So, would you say this is a mostly Republican neighborhood?

No, that’s not the kind of turret she has is mind!

So, why do they call it the Goland House?

No, definately gothic … except for the turret.

No, there is no bath in the turret.

You say the origional owner was a G.W. Patton?

It’s solar powered so it does fit our green theme….kind of.

Some excellent one liners! Thanks for sharing. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays

So, this was Dick Cheney’s undisclosed location?

Welcome to Extreme Military Bunker Makeover!!! Can you guess which room was “Ty’s Special Project?”

“I thought all the Model 2012 homes were underground?”

“I’m guessing taking out the trash is a bitch.”

“Will this protect me from being convicted for walking around naked inside my house?”

“but I suffer from motion sickness..”

“I want enough privacy to pee outside.”

The previous owner had turret’s syndrome.

The previouse owner REALLY didn’t like those cars with loud base.

How about ‘3 play’s for a quarter?’

I know you can see Russia from here, but that still doesn’t make you a foreign relations expert!

“U.S. Postal Service, on medical leave… why do you ask?”

If we can find a gorrila to roll barrels it’ll be the greatest theme B&B in Michigan…the gun’s gotta go!

No way in hell, am I shoveling this driveway…I don’t care how great the view or the kill rate is…

I said two bedroom, three baths, and a cruise missile launcher…!

I’m not quite sure this has the right curb appeal and I’m not sure about the caliber either!

you were right, about it being everthing we wanted; too bad s’not closer to the schools and churches…

Yup, it is a long way from the white picket fence ?

And this is a really safe neighborhood with the lowest crime rate in the state.

You know that line, ‘every home makes a statement’? Well the statement on this one is ‘no salesmen.’

How did you guess this was Dick Cheney’s former summer place?

Sarah Palin WAS right, you really CAN see Russia from her house!

The house needs some TLC. Otherwise, it is bullet-proof.

This place was recommended to us by the NRA.

We thought you said SUN roof…..
But will you at least throw in the ammo?

So, is this in a rough part of town?

Let’s see your parents try to visit now. We’ll take it.

Well, the ad did say it was styled in a “Modern American” fashion.

And the master bedroom on the second floor rotates 360 degrees at the flick of a switch.

Well, we did say we prefered a place that screamed “NO SOLICITATIONS….”

Going up: I think I can, I think I can.
Going down: I know I can, I know I can.

Avon WON’T be calling……

This is the place to have for a huge 4th of July party!

Shoveling the driveway became an issue…

I meant “septic tank”.

The owner accidentally shot himself while cleaning it.

Sure it’s great but does it come with it’s own bunker?