“Girls just wanna have fu-un. Oh girls, just wanna have… That’s all they really want. When the working day is done, oh girls they wanna have fu-un”

And now it is my honor to introduce our Tea Party candidate for President, Sarah Palin.

Obamastein speaks of future economic recovery.

“I’d like to thank the academy, and, most especially, Mary Shelley for bringing my story to the attention of the world!”

THAT’S IT! I’m not going to keep playing unless you guys take those pitchforks and torches outside!

“Aarrggh aarrggh gooollp bbroowwsh. Aarrggh aarrggh gooollp bbroowwsh. Aarrggh aarrggh gooollp dear Cindy, Aarrggh aarrggh gooollp bbroowwsh.”

“God bless you, You made me feel brand new; For God blessed me with you, You made me feel brand new…”

FA-EEEEEELINGS

NOH-TING MOOOOOOOORRRRE TAH-NNN FA-EELINGS

And now, by request, a Patsy Cline tune, “I Fall To Pieces”.

I wish my friend George was here .

I just want to thank all of you for coming out to show your support for organ donation. Because without people like you, I wouldn’t be here today.

“To the lady in the third row, I want to say ‘I’m sorry,’ I don’t know the lyrics to “Feed My Frankenstein”.”

Dressed as Frankenstein, Gov. Schwarzenegger is auctioning San Quentin Prison to raise needed funds for reconstruction.

“Thank you, I’ll always carry a little piece of each of you with me.”

This next request is for the towns people. It’s called “You light up my life”.

Frankie was a real crooner.

Gov. Schwarzenegger,aka Frankenstein, says that Florida is for old people, Iowa is for boring people, and California is for new people.

And for my OWN little lady out there, “My Funny Valentine…”

As President Obaman addresses the Democratic National Convention, he apologizes for his appearance. The winter blizzard caused a tree to fall on his motorcade and he had to undergo quick reconstruction.

“Is it out of tune or is that just me
“

“It’s Alive … ALIVE!!!
My daddy screamed and praised.
It’s Alive … I’m ALIVE!!!
Dad gave me a birthday.”

“Bolts in the neck, bolts in the neck, you lookin’ like a fool with the bolts in your neck.”

Speaking before the International Brain Harvest Convention, President Obama proudly points to his scar and claims “it doesn’t hurt a bit”.

After coming to American he dropped off the ‘enstein’ and made it big in show business.

Frank always knew he would make it big despite his tough upbringing.

Because of the grunting, Frank’s singing career didn’t last long.

“Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen….”

Franky Valley i am not.

Yes, American made parts is my foundation and I want to thank you for electing me to this office!

My Funny Valentine…..My looks are laughable

I’ll be your favorite work of art.

My funny valentine
Sweet home-made valentine.

In his best ever lounge performance Frankie sings, Oh we’ve got trouble, right here in River City, with a capitol T…”

“…come on baby light my fire, try to set the night on…FIRE!”

“I knew I should have stuck with the Botox injections.”

I would like to thank all of those who donated to my success.

“You should have seen me before I had the Cosmetic Surgery.”

“The finger bone’s connected to the hand bone, the hand bone’s connected to the arm bone, the arm bone’s connected to the shoulder bone, now I’ll gladly shake your hand. Oh, the the shoulder bone connected to the back bone,
and the back bone’s connected
to the neck bone,
and the neck bone’s connected
to the head bone, now I’ll gladly wear a smile.”

Hey, this place is DEAD………I like it.

What do you mean…I have a screw loose.

Is anyone else sick of the expression “Without further adeau?”

….and the award for best costume goes to…

“I owe my success to Scientology”

Thank you, thank you…..next will be my good buddy Dracula.

“I would like to thank the hundreds of donors, my doctor, and my bride.”

Its the mash………theee monster mash……

Halftime Entertainment for Super Bowl XLV

Now everybody sing. Thank you for giving me one more chance, one more chance, one more chance for love.

Herman Munster sings Sinatra.

This next song is an original…it’s called ‘I freak out around fire’

I know you were expecting a whole band but i accidently strangled them yesterday so it’s just me tonight…

The show was a huge sucess until the manager decided to light the candles

“i want to thank john caruso my “plant mgr” who not only put the speech together at the last min, but also my head” ~~~ “let’s see who else?” (music plays to cue him off stage.

O.J.’s new career as Simpstein was not working out as planned.

“Oh Lily, look at me now.”

He knew it was ironic but he didn’t care, he loved The Monster Mash.

Frank knew that his music took a little morphing to get used to.

“All of me,
why not take…all of me?
Can’t you see…
That I’m no good without you?
Take these lovin’ lips…
I’ll never use them!…”

Bare with me I’m a little Rusty…

Johnny Depp really gets into his characters , doesn’t he ?

I can’t read this . it’s not written in Romainian .

“R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me…”

Twas the night before Christmas .and all through the house..

“Yesterday… all my troubles seemed so far away…”

People I am here asking you for a more green friendly world….

“A little bow-tux and I feel good.”

A couple more steins and Frank will be eating the mike….

“Next request…theme from dead man walking”

I’d like to dedicate this next number to my creator, Dr. Frankenstein!

Welcome to the,”GONE TOO FAR-PLASTIC SURGERY SEMINAR!”

…and I said to the surgeon,”I want to look like, ‘ARNOLD’, I guess, I should have added,’the golfer…’

“Thanks for coming tonight; don’t forget to tip your waiter. Try the veal; I really can’t recommend the flaming shishkabob.

……no I can’t stop..Lightning Strikes again and again and again and again……

I thought I was invited to become, ‘the next president, not presenter’…BUHH-MARH!

“Do not ask me to play “Clap for the Wolfman.”

“The person whom I’m filling in for may not be back.”

“…I know I said I take requests, however, screaming cries of “He’ll kill us all” is not a tune I’m familiar with.”

“Hey everyone, Franken Von Lichtenstein here but you can call me Frankenstein for short.”

Frankenstein played with alot of heart, but no soul.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the musical stylings of Frank ‘n Steinway.

I just flew in from Dick Cheney’s secret location, and boy, are my arms tired.

“I’d like to dedicate this next song to ‘All the Single Ladies’.”

And now ladies and gentlemen, as a special treat I will perform a duet with my dear friend, Mummy Davis Jr.!

“My greatest moment was being mistaken for Frank N. Steinatra”.

“My next piece, which I’m sure you are all familiar with is, ‘Monster Mash’”.

“I must admit that I can’t wait for this masquerade party to be over. These corks in my neck are killing me!”.

Frankenatra put on a brave face and went out on the stage to perform as the last surviving member of The Rat Pack. Damn, if only all his friends hadn’t tried to surprise him with that big birthday cake full of candles…

“You are all suckers! Everyone knows that the ‘real’ Frankenstein can’t bend his legs to sit at a piano”.

“.. to all the ghouls I’ve loved before..”

I left my heart, in San Fra… no wait, maybe it was in L.A. I’m always leaving parts of me somewhere.

(sung to the tune of New York, New York) Start spreading the news… I’m burning today… I’m gonna be at the end of ‘em… Pitchforks! Pitchforks!

I shall now sing the “Largo Al Factotum” from The Barber of Seville by Gioachimo Rossini.

I suggest that you take your hand out of my tip jar!

I’ll now take some requests, and it won’t cost you an arm and a leg!

The Senator wants a beer. Has anyone seen Al Franken’s stein?

But seriously, folks: I was tall, dark and handsome until the current economic crisis brought out the monster in me.

“I left my heart
In San Francisco
I left my liver high on the hill..”

My brain was later left to be
On a shelf at UC Berkeley

San Francisco
Your Dr’s work for for me!”

I’ve already done “Puttin on the Ritz” three times. How about another suggestion?

Sadly, the ladies auxiliary committee realized too late that Mr. Stein misrepresented his piano skills.

Frank would always regret dragging his wife to the banquet-she lost her hair in a tragic but funny run in with the lobby chandelier.

Speaking at a party to honor his Father, Frank Junior lamented that he didn’t inherit his good looks.

“I’ve gotta be me, I’ve gotta be me. Wait! I’ve gotta be other people.”

This one goes out to the little lady with the lightning bolt tattoo. She knows who she is.

Though I thank you for this award, I think the real hero here is the man who made me what I am today.

You say potato, and I say “Grrrrahh!” You say tomato and I say “Rrrrrrgrrrow!”

Elton wanted me to let you know that, while he couldn’t be here in body, his heart was here with you all tonight. Literally. It’s in my chest… I have his heart.

That was when my mother said, “Son, you got your father’s eyes…Now give them back!”

First, I’d like to apologize to the family of the recently deceased. Uncle Ted wrote on my invitation that it was a costume party…

“Hello, I’m Frankie, and I’m an alcoholic.”

1988.Great year. That was the year when I got my first neck plug.

“I’d first like to thank Mary Shelley”.

Please,please. You can call me Frank!

I hope the camera doesn’t add 15 pounds.

I lived in a plenty tough neighborhood. When somebody called me a “dirty little Guinea” there was only one thing to do — take away something really important to him like his right hand or his kneecap or his head.

Oh ye of little faith, in time I knew to prove to ye all. (piano soft melody) No monster am I. Gentleman that I am, performs before you now, upon my learnng how to read..think.. compose.. to vocalize my thoughts. My vow I give to you, oh ye who once sought to kill me. My mind seeks not to harm any one of you. My body seeks not any of your young daughters to possess. My heart sill binds me true,to my only love… When dreaming of my love, with long flowing grey hair with a streak of white on a maiden so fair. Long and slender, with a stance of flare. I long to touch her but she’s of no care. She feels no heart strings, no she couldn’d dare, she shreeks from my touch, how could she ever care. When dreaming of my lover, made from the same master as I. Oh if fate could have it, she would feel the same as I. When dreaming of my love, surely that’s all I will ever do. Untill the end of time will my heart ever be true. Dreaming untill my dying days, with a heart that is content to dream…I’m bule ab a de da da ba daba de daba dedaaddadedado

I hope you guys are okay with Lady Gaga cover songs…

Please, folks. It would be in your best self-interest to discontinue the heckling.

To increase interest in the show,
Simon Cowell performs a medley of show tunes.

“It had to be you.
It had to be you.
It had to be Nosferatu.
It had to be you!”

I wish my brother George was here.

Put money in my tip glass or else.

“No..that’s the OTHER Herman’s Hermits”

i know it confusing but i’m not edgar winter
mverno@roadrunner.com

Yes, folks. You can tell it’s a hand made sew-job cause “I did it myyyyyyyy waaaayyyyyyyy”!

“No, this is not a Ray Charles tribute. I’m really Ray Charles with a few ‘upgrades’.”

With his looks and performance, I’d say this act was just ’sewn’ together!’

‘As a matter of face, yes, I do still have my daytime job!’

‘If we had won the Super Bowl I wouldn’t have to be doing this part time gig!’

Any requests other than “Light My Fire?”

Ah, the werewolf convention. I’ll have them howling in the aisles again!

Ladies and gentilmen “I’LL BE BOCK!”

UM …Quick, every body please look around ive seem to have lost my contact.

oh my…. every one steer clear of that green dish, ive got a case of bad gas.

long story short, last week i baught the wrong tampons.

long story short, i should have listen to my mom.

“And here’s another right off the top of my head.”

“And now a sad number dedicated to the desperate souls on the waiting list for my organs.”

Grr, ugh ugh ugh, grr, ugh ugh grrr..

After finally admitting to himself his noncapacity for fiscal administraton, the governator sings the blues: “Stick to what you know, And you won’t suck, I really didn’t, but what the…”