And I says to’im, I says to’im, “no I do NOT need my brakes looked at!”

Third time this week – damned Intergalactic GPS!

” Well I WAS gonna go to Arizona…”

The damn Built-In Breathalyzer said I was good to go.

So..Then she tells me I am a horrible drunk and I can’t drive… Can you belive that?

We live in a cruel universe, Ken. First xkkplzmx left me, then zzylpxyzl, and now Lady Gaga.

First the gas pedal stuck. Then the brake didn’t work. Be glad you don’t have these kinds of problems on earth.

I told my wife I needed to get an updated GPS…but no..

Have you seen ET? He phoned home and we’re her to pick him up.

I just need to get away from it all, you know.

I was going to land in Arizona but they don’t like aliens there.

And so she says, “Get off my planet!”
And so I do, and then I meet the last man on earth!

The LOST Season Finale was really far fetched! I’ll go along with Jack distracting the alien, stealing his spaceship, and using it to fly off the island, but where did Jack get a bartender’s license?! What a ripoff…

“You know Joe, your GRAVITY here sucks!”

Talk about a customer “DROPPING IN”.

The bad economy just cost me my job with the Pentagon. There won’t be any UFO sightings for a while!

Hey bartender, “Do you know where i can get some strange stuff?”

Do you know how hard it is to find an antimatter station in “THIS” part of the galaxy!!!

Five years….FIVE YEARS!!! The nearest tow company is in Alpha Sigma. My date is going to be pissed.

… and to top it off, I’ve got “GUM” stuck to the bottom of my shoe!

lindsay lohan!! oh she just left 5 min ago.

$ 3.75 for a beer!? Where am I, earth?

I take it this isn’t Area 51?

so what is up with this area 51 anyway bar keep?

i know i know the first step is to admit that i have a drinking problem.

My navigation’s all screwed up since they took Pluto off the maps!

It wasn’t so much the landing. But the walk to the bar was a bitch!

Jaywalkers.

Well this beats doing anal probes all day i’ll tell ya that

I know these Honda Spacecraft really hold their resale value but there is definitely something wrong with the accelerator.

Wow! This does have drinkability.

You know how hard it is to drive that thing sober?

I fly all this way and no pretzels?

$3.25 a gallon? Forget it, I’m staying here.

Do you have a ladies night?

“Welcome to Fantasy Island, my A@!!”

Do you know where I can find about 800 thousands gallons of crude oil?

She just wouldn’t shut up about the asking for directions!!

I sure am glad it’s still happy hour!!

People keep telling me I look like some guy named John Locke!!

Take me to your leader.
I have some new changes for him.

Hey Larry, what’s with the tall barstools?
Don’t make me report you to the
Aliens with Disabilities Association pal….

Light Beer!!!!
I fly over 700,000,000 miles and you give me LIGHT BEER…

I’m innocent I tell ya. I’m flyin’ along minding my own business when all of a sudden this satellite comes out of no where and wham.

If you expect your business to grow you’d best be getting a bigger parking lot.

ya i called back home and they said i might be able to get parts for my ship at some place called area 51

“Let Me drive! Let Me Drive!” … damn starfish!

A SPIDER…A BIG HAIRY SPIDER! It touched my leg, OK?

Oh man, my dad’s going to be so pissed!

Sorry Buddy! But the “Lost” wrap party was LAST night!!!

A funny thing happened to me on the way to Arizona…..

They’ll only waive the deductible if a planet is less than 50% water.

Oh…… Please tell me you don’t have M.A.D.D. here!

Two minutes after I crash, I hear my saucer is on the recall list!

Go figure, not a gas station for over 2 million miles!

Hey Sam you have got to get a bigger landing pad!

Honest, I thought I was stepping on the brake and hit the gas instead!

“Illegal alien? Do I LOOK like and illegal alien?”

What helmet law……..I can’t find one big enough for my head.

Listen up Mac, I’m going to need something stronger than this beer if the babes don’t show up soon.

I mean how was I to know that this galaxy does not have a supply of Gerlxeon fuel available?

“Whadya mean the bathroom’s outta’ order!?!”

“Do you take American Express?”

“When’s Ladies Night?”

Got any salty snacks?

Know where I can get a room?

Rough flight? Tell me about it.

“… so then after all that I crash my stupid ship and…. where do you keep getting these beers from!”

Figures, right? One hot lady on this island and I crash into the women’s crapper! Eh, at least there’s beer!

When you’re right, you’re right Joe. I should’ve given you my keys. Since I’m here…give me another.

Hell yeah, I’m lucky! I crashed right next to a bar! The question is…how did YOU end up here?

Is there an ATM around here? I’m a little short on cash.

Five passengers took flight that day for a three light year tour.

Nope, don’t have a clue who’s that is!

Nope don’t know who’s that is!

I said shaken – NOT stirred, damn it!

Nope Not Mine!

Yea that’s right,take me to your stinkin leader!

“I thought MY luck was bad. Aren’t you Isaac from the Love Boat?”

Is there an ATM around here? I’m a little short on cash.

“Bartender, I’ve been making polite conversation all night
with this one and no response. Are all
earth females this boring?

The bar is only able to stay open due the John the bartenders exceptional ability to relate to others.

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Ginger Voight, OutLoudLaughing. OutLoudLaughing said: Splendid Marbles Cartoon Caption Contest: He better protect that big old noggin with spf 100. This is the one and … http://bit.ly/d8p1lK [...]

I’ll take a Hurricane… maybe it’ll get me home.

All the other parking spaces were taken.

*sigh* Hey bartender… do you know of anybody who is interested in buying a slightly used intersteller cruser?

John the bartender was deeply regretting all the times that he had boasted having the “best bar on earth.”

If you want business, it’s all about location.

Want a laugh? On earth my name translates to Gilligan.

..and my grumpy boss makes me meet a probe quota each month. Say, what are doing after work?

I got to Earth early, the other 900 billion of my kind should be here in 10…9…8…

We pick up your satellite signals on a 10 year lag…did Rachel and Ross ever get back together?

Glaknar could not believe his luck, his seat cushion did in fact serve as a flotation device.

The conversation turned ugly the moment Barnaby brought up Roswell…

I understand, your lady left ya huh?
here have a drink!

The intergalastic GPS told me to take a right.

Turn right at Mars! Turn right at Mars! That damn woman is going to drive me to drink!

I must have made a wrong turn at Albuquerque

Tatu? Is that you? I’ve always wondered what happened to you after they cancelled Fantasy Island

Yes, I’ll have another Bud LightYear

Your beer-brewing skills on Earth are light years ahead of ours.

I just finished flight school. They warned me not to get a big head about it.

Look, Joe, we’ve just gotta stop meeting like this The wife’s getting suspicious!

Beer in a bottle! Who’da thought?!

Don’t believe everything you read on Travelocity.com.

You’re the only one in the galaxy that understands me.

“How’s business?”

“Next time you need another shipment of beer, call somebody else. These landings are hard on my spaceship.”

“Nothin like bar service 24/7!”

“I’m going to guess that the tide is in!?”

“I don’t suppose you’ve got some dancers hiding behind the bar do ya?”

this is not the way I planned my vacation.

I do not have AAA

What is this I hear about a Shirley Temple.

I guess I’m a loner were too.

what do you mean this country doesnt need any more aliens?

Alan wished he had put more effort into that lame ice breaker game at the party. Ambidextrous Ape, Ambivalent Actor, or Awesome Astronaut would all have made better company than the Alcoholic Alien.

Last time I was here I met couple named Adam and Eve. If you meet them watch out for Eve, she’s nothing but trouble.

yea…it’s a toyota

last time i was here Will Smith punched me in the face

Just for once, I’d like one of them to ask how MY day’s been!

Back home, they call me Syndrome!

So, an alien walks into a bar… Heard that one already?

I gotta tell ya, barkeep, I’m feelin’ pretty lucky knowing this is all the land mass you’ve got left!

It’s gonna be finding a taxi.

It’s gonna be tough finding a taxi.

“Flagged! I’m only buzzed”

Walter could not find the valet so he self-parked.

“I came all this way and you don’t have a twist of lime”

“Ya shoulda been here last week when the hotties from Venus dropped in.”

“And would it surprise you to learn, Sir, that Uranus is packed with bad drivers?”

So I said to my Supreme Leader, “Earth? C’mon- there’s no intelligent life on that planet.”

my last date was what you call on earth a real cow

well i got cut off from this ship called Atlanta, and look what happens.

well i was cut off by this ship called Atlantis.

Driving a mind controlled craft is a breeze.

“So, where am I? New Orleans or Tampa?

And I was flying it in safe mode.

I never bother to read the instructions manual.

I told the engineers not to outsource the brake system.

I’ve got to find a way to get to Roswell, no one there will suspect anything.

Since when did UFO stand for Unidentified Falling Object…

Whelp, ahhh… At least it’s 5 o’clock!

Alien: “I hit the wrong island I see.”

Bartender: “I’m sorry, did you say you wanted a Long Island Iced Tea?”

Bartender: “So, what do you do now?”

Martian: “Well, I guess I’m going to call the ‘Dealer Ship’ and have them send me a UF-tow truck.”

This island isn’t big enough for the both of us… No, I mean that literally. I’m not trying to be cute or anything; it’s a very small island and we both can’t fit comfortably.

“I’m island hopping.”

“I can’t swim. How about you?”

“Where’s your pole dancer?”

Do you validate?

ALIEN: I’ll take a Kamikaze, Sex on the Beach and directions to the nearest black hole.

STEPHEN HAWKING BARTENDER: Drinks are on the house; you can’t get there from here.

“…so I pick up this Looney Tunes transmission and some Bugs Bunny character is talking about taking a left at Albuquerque…”

“Keep ‘em coming, Joe, it may be a millennium before AAA arrives.”

“Too bad it doesn’t run on oil – I hear you guys are just flushing it away in the Gulf.”

“I’ve got a bad feeling this is going to end up on Facebook.”

“I miss the good old days where even if you weren’t paying attention to what you were doing the horse would.”

Thanks for the shout on Twitter, Ginger!

Albert often stopped by his favorite bar for a Green Alien, although sometimes, they were a little light on the melon liqueur.

With the bar half empty, Jeffrey was forced to listen as this new customer yakked about crashing in the parking lot.

“I gave AAA great directions…I told them I was stuck on a sand bar… there shouldn’t be too many of those”

no we do not use cell phones why do you ask such primitive things

I’m supposed to be meeting Sigourney Weaver here.

You wouldn’t know how to get to Roswell, would you?

You tell anyone you saw me and Uranus is mine.

Waddle you looking at?

Of all the deserted islands, in all the universe…I had to crash onto this one. ‘Nother beer, Sam.

Give me another “Cosmos” politan.

You’ll have to take my word that I’m 21 because I left my id back on Jupiter.

ya my last landing was back in 1947 in Roswell, New Mexico, seems like that was yesterday

You will have to take my word that I’m 21 because I left my id back on Jupiter.

“I have a very highly developed telepathic ability, and no, your not going to get a tip.”

Looks like I’ll be staying a while. Could you please pass the welfare.

Texting while driving isn’t dangerous… I’m fine.

“You have no idea what I have to go through to get a good Martini.”

“That’s not your parking spot is it?”

“Go figure, a stuck accelerator”

“What do you mean you’ve never heard of a Black Martian? OK, I’ll take a White Martian.”

Do you have change for a 500 kwaputzit?

“So, did you catch the Lost finale?”

It was not widely known that the turning point in young Ronald Reagan’s life came during an awkward conversation regarding illegal immigration.

What’s so hard to understand about “gimme a screwdriver”? Can’t you see I’ve got some repairs to make?

psst….hey you….Ever fixed a hyperdrive before?

one more crack about my head bub and i am going to vaporise you, get it

I was shot down flying over Arizona

a three hour tour she says