Why doesn't he just get with the program?

New cartoon: alert the media! No really, this one’s pretty damn funny. On second thought, screw the media; what have they done for us lately? (Image after jump.) I pulled this one out of my file of very strange things, also known as “works in progress,” last night, added outlines and an ink wash, then scanned it in to present to you today.

As for the basis of this cartoon, not much needs to be said. After roaming the streets of a tightly packed urban area over the past few years, I find it quite easy to visualize a professional, well-heeled couple together in a therapy session, jamming acid-laced thoughts into their PDAs instead of actually talking to each other. And, I am not singling out maturing yuppie couples (aren’t they called DINKS?). I see people walking through traffic while texting; I almost ran over a woman on the street last week with my bike because she was focused so intensely on sending what I am sure was another message that could wait. I would also like to say that I have nothing against text messaging; I use the service regularly. I do, however, have a problem with silly people who use this mode of communication at the most ridiculous times.

THIS IS NOT THE CAPTION CONTEST, BUT FEEL FREE TO POST A FEW CAPTIONS, OR JUST SHARE A THOUGHT OR TWO.

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The job market just got tougher.

I’ve got a brand new cartoon just for you. This one pays overdue tribute to the difficult job market born of the collapse of credit and housing. (Image after jump.) Although the federal government is pulling out all the stops to create questionable jobs through the gigantic economic stimulus package passed this winter, many states and local governments are being forced to cut services, resulting in a loss of employment for countless thousands. As a cartoonist, I couldn’t help but ponder what would happen if zoos and safari parks were forced to fire their main attractions. So please: Enjoy, leave comments, write a poem.

THIS IS NOT THE CAPTION CONTEST, BUT FEEL FREE TO POST A FEW CAPTIONS, OR JUST SHARE A THOUGHT OR TWO.

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I think this industry is hiring.

It’s Wednesday, and I’ve got another brand new cartoon for you. This one was finished late last night, and, like so many of my cartoons, the ink was still a bit wet when I tossed it on the scanner. (Image after jump.) The inspiration for this one comes from the unintended consequences of our actions as a large, yet relatively mindless mass of people. To be more specific, the bailout of the banking system and the myriad opportunities for profit that this has spawned came to mind, Enjoy.

THIS IS NOT THE CAPTION CONTEST, BUT FEEL FREE TO POST A FEW CAPTIONS, OR JUST SHARE A THOUGHT OR TWO.

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Roll up those windows!

I have a smashing new cartoon for you today. (Image after jump.) This one is the result of a long-ass trip to North Carolina a few weeks back. It was an eleven hour drive to Greensboro, our final destination, and along the way I saw a number of odd, if not alarming, highway signs. So, I decided to create a version of my own. I hope that it makes your Wednesday worth waking up for (actually, a brief chuckle would suffice.)

THIS IS NOT THE CAPTION CONTEST, BUT FEEL FREE TO POST A FEW CAPTIONS, OR JUST SHARE A THOUGHT OR TWO.

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The next generation of funeral home operators.

Happy Wednesday to all! I’ve got a new cartoon for you that’s sure to grant me an extra-special space in Hell (that’s my hope at least – I’ve seen alarming images of those begging way too hard go to Heaven, and I just have to make sure that I’m as far away from them as humanly possible).

Anyway, this cartoon was inspired by the melding of entertainment options (Broadway musicals on ice) and America’s obsession with death and cheap food. There you have it! That’s all that went into this one – that and some black ink and an extremely robust allergy to all things righteous. So, enjoy. And, please leave comments, or damn me to Hell if you must.

THIS IS NOT THE CAPTION CONTEST, BUT FEEL FREE TO POST A FEW CAPTIONS, OR JUST SHARE A THOUGHT OR TWO.

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This is my fantasy home - I kid, of course.

Welcome to Wednesday. Let me correct myself: welcome to Splendid Marbles Wednesday. If you haven’t been to Splendid Marbles on a Wednesday before, I hope you enjoy touring the site ( stop in at the caption contest ) and that you get a kick out of my latest cartoon. I post smashing new cartoons EVERY Wednesday at noon. Please feel free to write your own captions, thoughts, wishes, etc. in the comment section.

This cartoon affords me the dual pleasure of poking fun at the real estate obsession that roared through this land (we still have an unhealthy attachment to our homes even though prices have plummeted), and the unbridled fixation with the right to self-defense at the expense of what can most generously be described as a casual acquaintance with sanity. (Please don’t read me as anti-gun; I’m actually very much pro-artillery.)

THIS IS NOT THE CAPTION CONTEST, BUT FEEL FREE TO POST A FEW CAPTIONS, OR JUST SHARE A THOUGHT OR TWO.

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Neither one seems at all surprised.

I’ve got a new cartoon for you. This one features cats, which is new for me. Even though I own two of them – my God the little bastards will kill me if they read this post – I never created a cat cartoon. I guess the reason behind this lies in my fear of being labeled a “cat man,” or a “cat guy.” (Image after jump.)

Anyway, my fiancée and I are the “owners” of two giant, fat and furry beasts. It would be much more accurate to say that we make up their staff. Sometimes, actually, I should say most times, I think they couldn’t give a rat’s ass about either one of us. As long as their food dish is filled with crunchy pellets, their water bowl has clean water in it, and their litter box is cleared of organic land mines, they are content and probably wouldn’t notice if we were replaced by other humans who performed the same tasks.

I think cats, and dogs to a somewhat lesser extent (I know that’s a potentially incendiary comment), posses knowledge of the human species that we will never obtain. That’s what drove me to create this rather dark cartoon. I hope that you enjoy it.

(By the way, our cats are very affectionate – they just don’t feel that it’s necessary to show it all the time, or even most of the time. After all, they’ve got things to do and places to go.)

JUST A REMINDER, THIS IS NOT THE CAPTION CONTEST, BUT FEEL FREE TO POST A FEW CAPTIONS, OR JUST SHARE A THOUGHT OR TWO.

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I haven't read any reviews of this place.

I’ve got a new cartoon for you, free of charge, created out of the shallow well of goodness that resides within my soul. I really like this one, and it’s not just because I have a larger ego than most, but also because it represents a change in style and approach. (Image after jump.) This cartoon, although rather silly, is straightforward – no excessive lines, hidden messages or ambiguity. I hope that you enjoy it, and please feel free to leave captions, comments (to tame my wild ego, maybe?), or just random thoughts.

I’m trying to get my cartoons published in the New Yorker magazine. The folks at this publication do something unique: they invite cartoonists to submit their work once a week (most magazines deal exclusively with the syndication mafia.) I’ve actually started submitting cartoons in person to their cartoon editor this year. He gave me very valuable – some might say blunt – advice on how to improve my chances of publication. I also plan on publishing a book of cartoons, hence the attention-getting caption contest.

I just want you to know why I’m creating new cartoons every week. I am finally doing what I enjoy most, and yes, I plan on making a living through this blissful pursuit (I have a B.S. in accountancy and worked for eight years as a government bond broker). I really enjoy the caption contest, and it seems to be gaining in popularity. I will continue to post a new cartoon for the contest each Monday until I publish a book, get a proper sponsor, or run out of money. Please continue to unleash your words of wit – and tell the world about this contest!

JUST A REMINDER, THIS IS NOT THE CAPTION CONTEST, BUT FEEL FREE TO POST A FEW CAPTIONS, OR JUST SHARE A THOUGHT OR TWO.

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It's amazing what you can find on Craigslist these days.

It’s Wednesday and I have a slightly new twist for you – instead of a completely new cartoon, I’m posting one that I made public a few weeks ago, but with what I consider to be a more adventurous caption. (Image after jump.) I’ve been trying to get my cartoons published recently, and I’ve become painfully aware of just how important proper captions can be. (Actually, the importance of solid captions became evident as soon as I started the Splendid Marbles Cartoon Caption Contest back in December of last year, and I thank everyone who participates for showing me the light.)

The new caption stems from my view of the overall economy, which has compelled many a decent soul to go to great, and often disturbing lengths in order to find employment. I think the original caption was kind of lame. This one, in my opinion, explains my opinion much more clearly.

I’ve posted the same cartoon below with the original caption. Please tell me which one you think is better, or feel free to leave one of your own.

Was it worth changing the caption? (I certainly think it was!)

BY THE WAY, THIS IS NOT THE CAPTION CONTEST, BUT FEEL FREE TO POST A FEW CAPTIONS, OR JUST SHARE A THOUGHT OR TWO.

Click here for the Splendid Marbles Cartoon Caption Contest.

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What's better for the cemetery, cable or satellite?

It’s Wednesday, and I have a new cartoon for you. This one is the second in my Cemetery Series. (Image after jump.) What can I say? Charles Addams is my favorite cartoonist – and my goal is to be as talented as he was (I think I have the morbid part down).

Anyway, I think that anyone who follows sports, knows anyone who does so, or who has ventured out of their home in within the past ten years will get a kick out of this one. And, if you don’t follow sports, know anyone who does, or have been held hostage in a cellar lacking television, you should still find this funny. If you don’t, I’m going to have to ask you to leave my site and never return.

BY THE WAY, THIS IS NOT THE CAPTION CONTEST, BUT FEEL FREE TO POST A THOUGHT OR TWO.

Click here for the Splendid Marbles Cartoon Caption Contest.

Also, check out more cartoons and contest winners in the Splendid Marbles Cartoon Gallery.

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